Bonnaroo Day 4: We’re smart now

I have to point out something that I tweeted at the beginning of day 4.  “RT @okg8tr: Just saw blind girl walking around alone w/guide dog. What a totally different experience Bonnaroo must be for her than rest …” That is flipping awesome.  After it was all said and done, that blind girl probably spent $500 to come to Bonnaroo just to hear the music.  The other part of the fun is people watching, but people listening must be even better when you can focus on conversations.  It’s just incredible that that girl came.

Continuing on the adventure, let’s see…where was I…oh right.  On the last day, we did things a lot different and smart.  Before heading out, I soaked my shirt, hat and bandanna in our cooler full of ice.  My shirt was so cold that it had ice cube frozen to it.  I wore this soaked outfit for the first half of the day and let me tell you, it’s the only way to walk around in that sun.  I had a lot more energy and kicked myself for not thinking of it the previous three days.

Next up on the do-it-better list, we weren’t going to go through the main gate anymore.  The line to get searched is way too long and if I’ve learned anything at Bonnaroo, don’t go with the crowd when you want to go somewhere…most people are sheep and wait in a line because they think they have to, because that’s what everybody else is doing.  It’s really incredible.  Case in point, let me tell you about when we went to go get water.

To get water, there are huge, circular stands with faucets all around it.  When we got up to the stand, it was PACKED with people.  I waited about 20 minutes in line to fill up on water and people were getting frustrated and telling their friends to “be aggressive!”  so they could get out of there sooner.  Admittedly, I was losing my cool too when I watched people fill up their bottle, drink the bottle, then fill up again.  Their bottles were smaller than regular bottled water containers…for the whole day?  Jeez they must fill up constantly.

All filled up and ready to go, I looked back at the water stand and the line was just ON ONE SIDE OF THE CIRCLE.  The other side had a wait of one or two people.  There was nothing wrong with the other side.  People just stood in line on the other side because that’s what everybody else was doing.  I felt like an extreme idiot but that will never happen to me again.

This rule applies to porta-potties also.  I can’t tell you how many times I saw lines for them, only to walk 2 minutes to the next ones and get right in without a line.  You’re there all goddamn day – there’s no harm in walking a little further.  I neglected to tell anybody except my friend about this problem that was so obvious for fear that people might actually listen and the lines would spread out…creating a line everywhere I went.

So I have my soaked clothes on and we hit up a second entrance, no more than an extra 5 minute walk from the main entrance and there is no line…in fact, the security guards are so lazy there from inactivity and boredom, that they tap my bag once, on the outside, and let me in.  I’d like to say that we’re quick Bonnaroo learners, but this took us 3 days to figure out.  Then again, I didn’t see anybody else there.  Also, on the way to the secondary entrance, you can laugh at graffiti.

Linda = OWNED

We have jack-nothing to do that morning so we go to the Silent Disco during the day and make more failed attempts at wooing women.  I’m not sure what the point was anyway, we had taken down our tent in the morning so we could leave quickly, right after the last show we wanted to see.  We didn’t have anywhere to take them unless we got into some sort of luck-filled sex romp in the bushes or porta-potty.

After the disco we filled up on water (on the non-busy side) and hit the porta-potty.  Walking out, I saw a girl with no top and painted breasts walking with her friend.  By the 4th day, I had bought reflective sunglasses to enhance my secret-staring so at least I didn’t LOOK like a pervert.  That doesn’t sound right.  I’m going to stick with it anyway.  Surprisingly, she was pretty mellow, not high on anything and not drunk.  Nobody looked twice, even though she was pretty.  Bonnaroo is in a class of its own.

In keeping with our do-it-better vision, to get front-row positions for Coheed and Cambria, we walked into the SIDE of the front-row crowd of the show before them, instead of going from the back to the front.  This was remarkably easier.  Though, when you get this close, you have to watch out for all the diehard “fans” who insist on getting in front of anybody in their way even though they showed up late.  We showed up halfway through the PREVIOUS band’s set to get that front row position because we’re actual fans…not some jackasses who show up right before they start or during the first song.  Eat a dick if you’ve ever done that.

I did overhear something funny though, from one of the girls who tried to get up front.  She looked at me right in the face and said “I have to get up there, I’m sorry…I really want to touch his balls.”  Good lord, woman.

When Coheed started, we were standing about 6 people away from the front.  The show was amazing.  Tons of solos, familiar songs, amazing 5 or 10 minute drum solo, instruments I’ve never seen before, playing guitar on their backs, with their teeth…it was just incredible.  It was definitely the best way to say goodbye to Bonnaroo.

Coheed and Cambria

We took a taxi to the Jeep after Coheed played, thinking we were going to beat a little bit of the crowd…which kind of happened.  We ended up leaving in the opposite direction of where all the other cars were headed so we absolutely lucked out on that.  The signs to get back on the interstate were confusing and even with the GPS, we ended up driving up a steep, winding mountain before we got on the 24…or 74…or whatever the hell the interstate was.

For the next few gas stations, at 250-300mi distance between them mind you, we kept running into people who were at Bonnaroo.  Pretty cool.

But leaving that night, knowing that we’re going back to civilization…back to work, appointments, awkward social situations, bums, greed, news…hearing complaints about things that really don’t matter…not being able to instantly do what I want, leaving was a little disheartening.  There’s always next year though…and I’m getting my tickets as soon as I possibly can.