Bonnaroo 2010: Day 1

Hey I never gave an day-by-day update on what happened at Bonnaroo like I did last year. I wouldn’t take the time, but those posts from last year give me more traffic than anything else on the site.  I’m not lying.  Thanks, hippies!

The drive down was infinitely better than last year.  Instead of driving my Jeep Wrangler, the three of us took a Ford Expedition (cruise control and air conditioning are not overrated).  It was so comfortable, I drove the entire 12 hours.  Sidenote:  We arranged to stop at the first rest stop after Nashville to wait for our 4th member, driving from Virginia (we were coming from New York).  We ended up meeting up at the same on-ramp in Nashville without stopping…how’s that for planning?  Marine Corps, bitch!

Waiting in the line to get into Bonnaroo was confusing this year.  At least last year, the line was just long as hell…but you knew you were in the right spot.  This year, we waited for 2 hours in a line that suddenly started cruising and then COMPLETELY DISAPPEARED OFF AN EXIT.  Everybody went different ways.  We had to stop and ask a cop where to go.  Off to another highway shoulder, we wait.  Tip #1: Only drink water during the car ride.  Coffee, red bull, soda will dehydrate you and you will be in the mafukin’ heat before you know it. I was so dehydrated after last year’s car ride that I was dizzy when I was setting up the tent.

I’m not really sure how long we waited in the line because I was trying to sleep in the back of the Expedition (that’s right suckas, I had a sleeping mat, blanket and pillow back there!).  When the gates opened at 7am, we made it to our spot in Sloan area that was much better than last year.

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We learned a lot from the year before.  Tip #2: Setup your camp as soon as you park. Don’t let those hippies intrude on your space!  In fact, place your tarps to creep into their area so you can to maximize your camp space.  Don’t be a dick about it – but don’t set your camp up for failure either.  Our first year, we got out of the car, stretched, went to the bathroom, looked at the food shops, came back to have a beer and we were lucky to setup our tent (there was no room on either side of it…just a place to tip-toe between other tents to get to the Jeep).

Camp setup, it was time to go into Centeroo.  We had a first-timer carry our Powerade bottle full of Jager past security, wrapped in a raincoat in his bag.  He chose the wrong girl to be searched by and she found the bottle.  When he was asked about it he said “Oh it’s a new flavor of Powerade” and drank some in front of her.  She drank some and did not believe him.  He was forced to dump out about $30 worth of Jager.  We weren’t starting out very well.  Which brings me to Tip #3: If you’re trying to get something ridiculous through security, go in the busiest line possible…and pick a guy to search you. Busy lines move fast and they don’t search very well.  The guys searching don’t seem to give too much of a shit either.

You know, I forget what we did on Thursday.  But we did make our Bonnaroo Scavenger Hunt list.  We sat around and drank, then listed a bunch of things that would be hard to find at Bonnaroo.  Each sighting had a point system based on probable-rarity (0 for common, 20 for ultra rare).  Some of my favorites were “All black taxi” (everybody, including the driver of taxi, is black), pregnant woman, pregnant woman boozing, anybody drinking Labatt Blue beer, kid on a leash.  If you take a picture of the sighting, you get double points.  If you spot two sightings in the same, like a pregnant woman drinking a Blue while holding a leashed kid…the points multiply.  Here is the full list:

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I do remember how the first night ended, though.  I remember drinking a lot inside Centeroo, seeing some bands that I never heard of…then I got some food and at that point I was awake for 24 hours, getting drunk and sleepy after eating.  I lied down in some grass on the side of a tent so I could rest and listen to music…passed out for 10 minutes…and my buddy woke me up to go to the porta-potties.  When I stood up, I realized how out of it I was…how tired I was…

When I got out of the porta-potty, I looked around for my buddy but couldn’t find him.  It didn’t occur to me that he could still be pissing.  In my drunken-state, I sort of assumed I lost him forever.  Then I tried to remember where I was sleeping to get back with the group but couldn’t remember where that was either.  So I just walked back to the tent site.  Just before I got there, I realized I had left my Camelbak on the ground wherever I rested.  It had my money and car keys inside.  I tried to remember if I left it with somebody I was with, but couldn’t.  I was never going to find the spot again, or walk the entire way back…so I shrugged my shoulders and slept on the tarp outside the tent.

One member of the group came back…then another, with my Camelbak! … and a pissed off face because I apparently ditched everybody.  I opened the Camelbak, got out my car keys and enjoyed the air conditioning before sleeping.  Tip #4:  If I disappear, I’m probably still ok.